Satire

The New Yorker: Call for Submissions

Subscribe: Yes, we do take submissions, but the real point of this page (and every page) is for The New Yorker, not you, to get more readers, so JOIN OUR MAILING LIST – ENTER YOUR EMAIL HERE.

Letters to the Editor: Okay, across the history of mankind have a couple of these gotten published? – yes, but do you really think the Editor reads letters for feedback? It’s called Google Analytics, people. However, if you experience a strange catharsis in sending your personal opinion drivel to a digital black hole with a New Yorker URL, by all means, send it to mail@newyorker.com.

Fiction Submissions: We read all fiction submissions before the Apocalypse (well, not all, but some of them we do). We will contact you if we’re interested in publishing your material (please note – this means we won’t contact you). If you haven’t heard from us in 90 days (which you won’t), kindly give up on all your dreams. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your piece sucks (though it probably does), it just means that we have much better things to do than read it. If you’re still delusional enough to want to submit, email your drafts to fictionsubmissions@newyorker.com, or better yet, have it get snarled up in the US Postal Service by addressing to 1 World Trade Center, 34th Floor (we’re on the 53rd).

Poetry Submissions: We review poetry submission on a rolling basis – and by rolling we mean we glance at this stuff anywhere from once every six months to once every six years. Percy Shelley famously wrote, “Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world,” – good one, Percy – that wasn’t even true back in the 19th century when you and Lord Byron were celebrities. Iambic pentameter is about as popular as the phonograph these days, so you should probably just start tweeting raccoon GIFs along with the rest of the world instead of wistfully composing sonnets in a weathered Moleskine notebook while drinking Earl Grey. If you’re Robert Frost, you can send us some rhymes, but poetry itself is “the road not taken.” Welcome to 2018 everyone.

Cartoon Submission: Yeah, you can submit cartoons, but hold on for second – please go back up to step one and SUBSCRIBE – you’ll get a FREE New Yorker tote! This means we’ll get FREE marketing everywhere you go while still being able to spam the hell out of your inbox, pretty great, right? Also, go ahead and click on that pop-up ad on the sidebar there – I think it’s for Tiffany & Co. or something – that’ll be good for our conversion metrics.
Ok, cartoons – yeah I don’t know, some of these submissions are kind of good, I guess. They shuffled the illustrations department recently, so maybe the new guy will actually look through submissions for a bit before he learns it’s a time suck.

Newsbreaks: You can send us news tips, but you’ve probably noticed that 85% of our stories and caricatures already feature Donald Trump. About the only thing we don’t have to date is a picture of Trump and Putin drinking chocolate milk together in a Turkish bath. Send that image along if you have it, otherwise just pull up your Twitter feed, and you’ll see that your juicy headline was already published by someone else two days ago.

Pro Tip: Staff writers – say it with me, “staaaaaff writers,” – you know, like professional writers that write for us in-house and have deadlines for 99% of the The New Yorker’s published content? That’s right – salaries, health benefits, etc. If you want to write for us, check out our careers page HERE – there might be an opening in January of 2214.

Best of luck,

The New Yorker
More than just headlines.